CaseyJo86's Xanga

Monday, August 06, 2007

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 03:44:13 GMT

Okay... So, I'm actually here to vent now.

I'm single. Again. 9 months is the longest relationship I've ever been in. Well, it was almost 9 months. Not quite. That would have been in... 4 days. ::sigh:: I feel really weird about being single. Sort of. Like, there's this part of me that wants to get out, meet new people, date, have fun, be young... But, there's a whole seperate side of me that is absolutely mortified of it. Petrified that I made the wrong choice in this break up. Petrified that single life really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm not used to feeling lonely anymore. It's going to take some adjusting.

I miss having a hand to hold. A hand that I know would be there no matter what. A person I knew would do anything for me at any given moment. Someone who I knew, without a doubt would be there for me...

Was that the problem? Was I so used to the uncertainty of my previous relationship that I couldn't handle the security of this one? No training. No Iraq. No distance...

I've realized exactly how young I am. How stupid. How unsure of everything I am.

I do have a future planned. I want to teach. I want a hubby that loves me. I want 3 kids. I want a house. I want a dog. I want a cat. I want a garden with a white fence around it. I want what every girl wants... I just have no freaking clue how I'm going to get there.

ick.

My Celebrity Look-alikes

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 02:31:09 GMT

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Almost 4 months since I xangaed last...

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 18:23:21 GMT

No one really uses this anymore, and I'm okay with that. I just kind of feel like typing right now. Not even really venting. Cuz I don't have much to vent about.

Everything is going as planned, right now.

Just moved into my new place. (love it, by the way.)
Got a raise a while back, so that helps.
I actually have internet at my new place.

I was really focused on this like 4 seconds ago.

And now I'm not.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 21:41:26 GMT

I power practiced today.

I only practiced for 35 minutes, but I feel about a million times better about my music.

I am practicing better.

Don't laugh at me because I'm a music dork.

The next few months are going to be quite hectic...

I've found some potential places for next year.

I'm going home for the summer.

Yuck.

I'm less than pleased.

But, I'll save tons of money.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 19:50:28 GMT

Hello all.

This has potential to be long. I have some time to kill.

Let's go back a year in time and meet Casey Gilreath...

August05/April06- Single. Living at home. Just about inseperable with her best friend. Sad about the relationship status, but fine. Scared of school. Wanting to grow up.

May06- Prepping to move out. New friend. School's out for the summer. Chicago- the musical. New quasi-boyfriend.

June06- Moved out. New house. New life. Class, work, rehearse, party, sleep. Usually without the party, until the weekend. Still quasi-boyfriend.

July06- Adjusted to house. Kitty cat. Adjusted to life and the routine that comes with it... Starting to hurt people I never knew I could hurt, inseperable and other close friends. Official boyfriend.

August06- Saw boyfriend. Single 2 or 3 weeks later. Relationship with roomate down the shitter. Repaired with the inseperable other half. Other half moves in. School in session.

September06- Parties. Several of them. Lots of making out. Relationship with inseperable in full swing. (or so I thought)

October06- Fall break, finally. School is fine. Inseperable goes to parents house for the weekend.

November06- New relationship. School is more than fine. Drama beyond all control, thanks to people who have nothing better to do than fuck with my life. Inseperable never comes home from break.

December06- Relationship in full swing. Already wanting out of my house. Roommate never the same. Haven't spoken to x-BFF in months.

This continues all the way until February.

UNO Show Choir Festival. All is good. Spent some time with the old inseperable. It's getting better.

4 or 5 days later? ish. I hear some interesting info at work and the inseperable become the very much seperated.

Here it is. March. My lease is up soon. And I couldn't have been more scared two weeks ago. I bawled in Masterclass in front of my entire studio. I can't remember the last time I talked to my roomate about anything that half mattered in the world. Austin is one of the few people that don't have my blood that I can count on. Between Steph having her own life and Sarah being 6 hours away, I'm just about out of girlfriends.

I've got some friends at school that I can trust, and Lindsey and I are becoming really good friends. We could quite possibly be getting a place just 2 blocks from my current one. The rent is a little less, the place is a little nicer. And I definately need a change of roomie pace. The utilities and shit will be a little more than what I'm paying now, but what I'm paying now is more than a gift, really. And I know that. Oh, and there's another girl probably moving in. She's a riot. Plus I've known them long enough that I'm not scared to move in with them. I didn't even hesitate to move in with Calyn. And sometimes I wish I would have.

The other thing I came to terms with the other day, is something that everyone in college should. Listen, I fear change with the best of them.... And I came to the realization that these 4/5 years of your life are a CONSTANT change. Nothing is ever the same you're constantly learning and growing. So, in the way that everything is constantly changing... there is no change. You can't get too comfortable in one place.... Cuz leases are usually only a year. People change. You change. RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE. Everything does, and in that.... life is constant.

You can't go into it expecting it all to be sugar coated and easy. Cuz that's what I sure did. You have to realize that these years are full of Ramen noodles, too many hours at work,tears, owing your parents money, late nights, booze, U-hauls, laughing, loving, and growing.

Growing up is hard & I think I'm up for the challenge.

-what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 16:09:34 GMT

Hey all.

I'm at UNO, not doing anything. Well, I should be doing more than I'm doing. There's a show choir coimpetition, and I'm more or less hanging out. I haven't done anything all morning. I'm supposed to be Security. It mainly involves a lot of.. "Walk, please!" "Quiet, please!" It more or less sucks.

Oh well.

It's Valentine's Day again. Which is exciting... Except for Valentine's day is shittier than shitty at work. We are way too busy. It's the busiest day of the year in Carry Out. And it's going to suck something fierce. Oh well, though. It happens to the best of 'em.

But, I finally have someone on Valentine's Day. Eventhough we both have to work... Well, I have to work, he has a gig. (isn't that cool!)... But anyway. We aren't planning on doing anything really. We're just going to hang out for a little bit after work/gig. and I'm sure he'll end up crashing at the house. So, we'll get some time together. And that's all I want.

I'm about spent. I haven't done this stuff in forever.

Have a good Valentines' day, all!

::sigh::

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 22:07:45 GMT

Isn't that an adorable picture of the kitty cats? Yes. Yes, it is!

I don't ever do this anymore... I wish I knew why. Well, that's a lie. I totally know why. I don't have tons of time to myself... and when I do, I guess I do better stuff than xanga.

Let's see... Today has been a day full of nothing. Theory, practice, Austin, and nothing. But, it's been nice.

Calyn wanted to go on a road trip. But, I haven't the slightest desire to do anything that doesn't involve this couch and my kitten. Right now I'm watching Jeopardy and it's awesome. I love the Teen Tournaments, cuz I know the answers to shit.

I'm going to Europe this summer. And I'm excited. P.S.- Jens, I'm coming to Braunschweig. So, get ahold of me and I'll give you the dates that I'll be there! Get EXCITED! But, anyway... Concert Choir is going to Germany, The Netherlands, and Belgium. We're touring and singing and all the fabulous things of that nature. So, it's gonna be sweet. Jack has the oppurtunity to go... so, help me convince him to go. Fred, that means you!

Anyway, I'm gonna go. I've got some laundry to throw in the washer.

Holler at your girl!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 15:44:36 GMT

I can't believe how long it's been.

My life has been too much to babble about in a freakin' blog.

I'm finally happy with a person who truly cares about me.
School is school.
Music is hard.
Valentino's still is super shitty for the most part.
My friends are limited and few.
And my cat is still adorable.

Time to go study for a few minutes before Music History...

Kisses to all.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 22:04:51 GMT

It's been entirely too long, oh faithful ones.

I'm 10 times better than my last emo post.

Things at the house are... better? ish? I'm not sure. Depends on the day mostly. But, at least it's somewhat improved.

I turned 20 on Tuesday. Weird? Yes. I got a tattoo... Weirder? YES. I love it though. It's small, easy to cover up.

If you want a real update on life... let me know. I'm not feelin' it today.

Oh, and I'm singing in my first ever competition tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

::sigh::

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 16:50:36 GMT

I don't have a lot to say. I'm sure most of you have heard the news. Whatev. I'll live.

I'm at a loss of what to do. How to act. What to think.

How does something you put so much into... just... stop? Without your consent.

I don't feel at home in my house anymore.

Sometimes I want to move home.

Sometimes I want to quit my job.

But, what would I do without it to hide behind?

Most of the time I feel alone.

I know I've changed.

It would just be easier to say "fuck it all" and go drink.

But, I don't fee like it.

I've never felt so miserable as I've felt in the last week.

Waiting for the call.

I hate being like this.

Sorry for the emo post.